Trey and I have been journaling goals in the coolest goal planner that Trey gifted to us both for Christmas. We’ve started bringing them to church Sunday mornings and including our convictions. On the ride home Sunday, Trey volunteered that his conviction this week was to begin praying for his anger towards the kids when they act out in age-appropriate ways and more specifically that he would lower his expectations of the kids’ behavior. I have to admit I was a bit surprised because this guy is a gentle spirit and, in my eyes, does not have an anger issue relating to our children or any other avenue of his life. But alas, good wifey agrees.
This morning, I wake up in a tizzy at 6:30 because JASE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT (read: I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT)!!! No, this does not happen. Yes, I still get up and nurse him. No, I did not sleep train this child like the others. Yes, the rules do not apply to the third child. 😉 Since chaos has not yet begun, I sit in the rocker to nurse Jase. This is where I do all my serious praying. This is probably why I’ve yet to sleep train said child. Seriously, most of my heartfelt prayers go up around 3am when I steal 15min to myself in that rocker to just breathe and think in quiet.
I begin to pray that hubs would be less angry with the kids. Let me just pause here and say it’s slightly awkward to be praying for my person’s sins. He knows me better than anyone and honing in on one of his issues feels a lot like pointing out the speck in his eye and neglecting the plank he sees in mine daily. Anyway, I start in with that prayer and immediately the scripture comes to me “in your anger, do not sin.” Now I’m totally not one of those that can quote scripture, but I recognize it as such and start to think about it. Pretty sure mid thought I was interrupted by some form of “MOM!!!! I POOP-DID!!!” and let it be for now.
I went about my business feeding lots of little people and getting B on the bus. Then we headed to MOPS. Can I just say, I heart MOPS! My 2hr break to enjoy the most delectable kid-free breakfast with lots of other lovely mommas. I hear it again, “in your anger, do not sin,” so I take a moment to pull up that scripture on my phone. Turns out it’s Ephesians 4:26. Cool, learned something! Back to the casseroles!
Get home and chaos ensues once more; this time because little man skipped his morning nap, its lunchtime, and Jaxon lives here. Feed little people again. Feeling particularly out of control with the missed nap, so I start frantically cleaning. Obviously if my kitchen counters were ever clear, I would have more control of my life and mother more effectively. I did tell you about that plank in my eye, yes? I never do this, but I decide to light my favorite candle…the one that’s ONLY sold at Christmastime so I hoard a dozen of them in my cart and spend an embarrassing figure to ensure I can breathe in that scent all year long (yes, I’m referencing Bath & Body’s Champagne Toast), but I digress. Anywho, so truly the only time I light candles is occasionally at the 4:30 hour. Where my stay at home moms at? Y’all know what I’m talking about. The particularly rough days you decide to pull it together, throw on some blush and possibly (possibly) real pants before that glorious garage door sounds! However, it’s not 4:30 and I just, well, felt like lighting a candle. I remember hubs said the lighter was out of juice, so I start digging in the junk drawer for matches. Seriously, this is already way more effort than I would ever normally exert, but I really feel the need to light that candle. A ha! I find some matches. These matches:
That’s right, I cannot escape these words. He speaks. Now that I have time to sit and reflect, I think I get it. Some of you know we’re Dave Ramsey enthusiasts. Dave makes the claim that money is not inherently good or evil; it is amoral. It can be used for good or evil; it’s what you do with it. I think the same is true for anger. In your anger, do not sin. We are going to get angry. Jase will get into every single cabinet I leave open for 2.57 seconds every. single. time. Jax will get poop-did all over the seat even though we’ve shown him a million times how to mount a toilet like a proper human being, rather than a monkey. Brynn will leave reams and reams of half colored slivers of paper all over the house. We are going to get angry. That’s biblical. Jesus even got angry. What I realized today is that anger, manifested in the right way, is a good thing. It serves as an excellent motivator to sow and teach. It can be a powerful teaching tool. Anger can spur needed change. The hot bubbling feeling that rises up inside of me making me want to explode can actually be used to gently rebuke, teach or correct a child/friend/spouse/whoever if used in the right way.
So I suppose today I’ve decided to cease praying that the hubs (and myself) would no longer get angry, but rather that we would pause long enough to allow time to digest and use that powerful tool to respond in a way that spreads love and gentleness. ❤️